So it’s Halloween weekend and you’re thinking you’d like to go the movie theater to see a spooky movie. Well, let’s see, what are your options…? What opens this weekend…?
OH, NOTHING! JUST SAW 3D!
Right? Tons of cool traps! Some version of Jigsaw! Pig masks! That stupid puppet! That’s what you like about the Saw movies, right? The scary parts? Cool, let’s get those out of the way right now by watching FEARnet’s Saw Traps Retrospective:
So you now know what you’re getting into in regards to scares and traps and haunted scary things, but do you know the one thing about Saw that separates it from every other Horror franchise? Get ready: it’s all one continuous story… one very difficult to understand, continuous story.
Sound complicated? A little worried you’re about to walk into the seventh Saw movie unprepared? Apologies, but here’s a quick tutorial that should catch you up with just about everything:
WARNING: SPOILER ALERTS!
Lawrence and Adam wake up in a room chained to the walls. There is a dead guy laying on the floor. Meanwhile, Detectives Tapp and Sing chase a killer called Jigsaw. They interview a former heroin addict, Amanda, who is a trap survivor.
Long story short, Lawrence saws his foot off and Adam is shot. They are both dying as Lawrence crawls away to get help. The the dead guy gets to his feet. Turns out he’s Jigsaw. He shuts the door, locking Adam in forever. Also, at some point the cops die.
Oh yeah, Jigsaw also has cancer. He’s dying.
Detective Matthews is almost on top of Jigsaw. But Jigsaw is one step ahead. He’s got Matthew’s son and seven convicts trapped in a trap-filled house that happens to be filling up with gas. Amanda is one of the victims. Her heroin addiction has lapsed and now she’s getting trapped all over again for it.
The cops are all watching this on video screens, or something stupid.
Jigsaw tells Matthews that if he gives him time and talks to him, Matthews’ son will be fine. Matthews doesn’t buy it and assaults Jigsaw. Jigsaw brings Matthews to the house, but it turns to be the wrong house. Matthews is knocked unconscious and locked in the same bathroom from the first movie.
The person that knocked Matthews unconscious was Amanda. She is now Jigsaw’s protege, because his method of “helping people” feels like something she can get behind. She tricked everyone by pretending to be on heroin again. GOTCHA!
Turns out Matthews’ son was safe the whole time, sleeping in a safe in Jigsaw’s lair. Safe in a safe. Turns out the “live video” the cops were surveying was just a recorded video tape. You failed your trap, Matthews.
Okay, you still with me? Because this is where it gets silly.
Note: This particular entry in the Sawchise (Saw franchise) has the single best trap. It’s called the ‘Pig Gut Trap’ and it’s super gross.
The traps from here on out are basically unrelated to the movie, so I will more-or-less skip over them to focus on what you’re clamoring for: PLOT!
Jigsaw is almost dead, but Amanda is running the show. She’s designing traps, but her traps are too hard. Jigsaw traps her because her traps are too hard.
Matthews escapes the room he’s been locked in at some point in the movie. The cops in this movie are Rigg and Hoffman. Rigg was a S.W.A.T. Officer in Saw II. Hoffman is new. They aren’t really in this one, but they’re important later. Bear with me. Bear with Saw.
Amanda has kidnapped a nurse, and the nurse is supposed to save Jigsaw, but when she can’t, Amanda kills the nurse. So then Jigsaw is all like, “Nuh-uh, you failed your trap of traps!” But when the nurse’s husband enters the scene, after having gone through his own series of traps (like 10) and sees his girl dead, he shoots Amanda and cuts Jigsaw’s throat. Everyone dies.
It just gets sillier, kids…
Saw III and Saw IV happen at the exact same time, but you don’t find this out until the end of the movie.
It starts with Hoffman, who’s doing an autopsy on Jigsaw. There’s a tape in Jigsaw’s stomach. Hoffman plays it and is informed that he’s got his own traps to do, but it’s too complicated to follow.
The cops in this one are Rigg, Hoffman, and FBI agent Strahm. Apparently there is another killer on the loose because someone gets caught in a trap that both Amanda and Jigsaw would have been too weak to create. Great reasoning skills, cops.
Strahm thinks its Rigg, but Rigg thinks it’s Matthews (he is alive, after all!) but then Rigg is attacked and put through series of traps. Maybe he was attacked because he got too close to finding Matthews, but maybe not.
Rigg ends up in a trap with both Hoffman and Matthews. Matthews dies (way to come back just to die again) and Hoffman declares that he’s the second protege and leaves Rigg to die.
Strahm, meanwhile, is still on Rigg’s trail, but ends up finding the bodies of Jigsaw and Amanda, who are dead. This ending is the only clue that this movie’s plot is happening simultaneously as the plot in Saw III.
So how could Jigsaw have been trapping people if he was dead? Well, we have three more movies to figure that out.
The traps are entirely unrelated to plot at this point.
Strahm is capture by a pig head and is put in a trap. He survives the trap and escapes. Hoffman is promoted at work and begins to frame Strahm. Strahm is relieved of his duties and begins to study all of this crap in his free time (reminiscent of Zodiac).
Strahm and Hoffman have a few back-and-forths and Hoffman plants Strahm’s phone in a trap, which makes Strahm look like he’s involved in the murders. But Strahm doesn’t care how he looks because he’s going rogue and following Hoffman. Hoffman tricks Strahm, who falls into a trap and gets crushed to death.
Hoffman survives yet another movie! He’s almost the most important character by this point! Jigsaw who, am I right?
Note: This movie is a total slam to health insurance companies. All of the people who get trapped are trapped because they are bad health insurance agents. Talk about a message!
A couple of movies ago, we found out that Jigsaw has an ex-wife, Jill. She wasn’t important until now, when she tells Hoffman that he’s out and she’s taking over trap duty.
People get trapped, blah blah blah, and the movie ends with Hoffman in a trap. Hoffman escapes, and he is furious.
In retrospect, almost nothing happened in this movie.
SAW 3D: What’s going to happen this time?
Is Hoffman going to get vengeance on Jill? Is Jill finally going to destroy Hoffman? Is Jigsaw going to come back to life? Is Amanda going to get back on the heroin wagon? Is Lawrence (from Saw I) going to return? The answer to that last has got to be yes.
Apparently this is the last Saw movie and it’s supposed to wrap up the story quite nicely, but I’LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT!
Let’s hope this is the end to this epic, devastating arc. Let’s also hope there are some good traps.
