It’s common knowledge that TV has turned its back on the days of lovable family comedies and developed serious love for the anti-heroes. And so have we, the audience. But at what point does our interest with these fascinating new anti-heroes start to rub off on our own personalities? If you’ve never asked yourself that question, the damage is already done. Here’s the evidence:
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Way back in the 90s, Seinfeld made a habit of centering episodes around the analysis and eventual mocking of a range of different personalities. From low-talkers to double-dippers to re-gifters, millions of people were targeted and ridiculed on national TV. Sure that doesn’t sound too bad, but don’t forget that in the infamous series finale Seinfeld sentenced the characters to jail time for their awful behavior.
Now take that level of anger and amp it up a thousand fold. Welcome to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The show that has brought us the exploitation of a Virgin Mary water stain, getting accidentally addicted to crack while trying to fail a drug test in order to remain on welfare, and a fake product (the dick towel) that is now a real-life product.
I get it, though. You’re laughing at the crew, discussing their insane money-making schemes and their imminent failures. But I can guarantee if you’ve watched an episode or two you found yourself trying to solve their problems in your head. Did they really have to get addicted to crack to solve the drug test? Couldn’t they have just… that’s right. You’re horrible.
How I really feel: You can actually tell which Sunny episodes not to miss by how offensive the title is. October 28th’s title: “Who Got Dee Pregnant.” Count me in.
Changing it up on you here. A critically acclaimed show that incorporates American history and a tongue-in-cheek look at America’s past failures? Surely this has to be making you a better person.
But dig deeper, what has the show’s impact really been? Hasn’t it made smoking just a little bit cooler again? Haven’t you lingered in the rye/whiskey/scotch section of the liquor store more than you used to? Have you switched to skinnier ties and started looking at the receptionist at work a little differently?
That’s what I thought. But don’t let me ruin it for you. You can certainly still think yourself a member of the cultural elite as you watch extremely good looking people commit vicious acts of adultery. Because they’re sophisticated about it. And I’m sure you are too, right? Sure, you look just like Don Draper. Have another drink.
How I really feel: Actually, I think nothing about the show makes you a bad person with the exception of the character of Glen. No matter what I do I can’t get it out of my head that the creepy little kid is about to do something awful and disgusting to Sally. Does that make me the sick one? Whatever, trust me. It’s going to happen. And if you somehow think he’s a wholesome little boy, I no longer trust you either.
So let’s get this straight. When you lie to everyone in the world about your future in the Major Leagues, including the woman who has finally fallen back in love with you, the answer is to flee to Mexico? That’s right. When life is tough, leave the country.
I know, I know, it’s a comedy! I get it. But what are the odds that the majority of Eastbound & Down’s viewers aren’t laughing at Kenny Power’s brash ignorance? Isn’t it possible that most of his fans are cheering-on his every f-bomb? Don’t you find yourself routing for his cocaine habit, his drinking and driving routine, his incessant whining, and his cocky poor-loser attitude?
Wait, you’re one of them? So the odds are good that you’ve googled “Kenny Powers quotes” in the last month? I give up. We’ve lost you…
How I really feel: I’ve lost me too. I googled Kenny Powers quotes last week and lost 15 minutes of my day. “Sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.” It’s just so awesome.
Walter White was a nice man: A high school chemistry teacher, a loving husband and father. But if you’ve seen even just the pilot of Breaking Bad you know things change quickly and for the worse…
Now three seasons in, the show is a runaway train of drugs, death, revenge and unspeakable secrets. But here’s the kicker: you are rooting for the characters in the middle of that mess. These are characters who have killed, betrayed, and lied to survive and profit. This is no comedy and it might very well finish with every major character dead. And you’re still watching. I rest my case.
How I really feel: I am absolutely rooting for Walt to kill everyone and profit as much as possible. He had cancer, alright? Back off.
While Jersey Shore has been a smash hit for two seasons running now, it’s obvious the ride won’t continue for much longer (remember how cool Newlyweds with Nick and Jessica was?). Still, we’re sad to say this show has had an inordinate level of cultural impact. From inexplicably dumb catch phrases to almost legitimizing the term “guido” as if it had become even remotely appropriate in polite company.
Maybe you and your friends gather around a fine glass of wine and some cheese to discuss how self-aware Snooki and The Situation really are as they make their millions. It’s even possible that you’ve muted the show for a side conversation about all the great literature the Jersey Shore gang must have missed out on during their childhood in… wait, they’re not actually from New Jersey? They’re from Long Island and upstate New York?
Whatever. This show is awful and it has most certainly made you a worse person simply as a result of the time you could have spent doing anything else. Let’s not even discuss the people now regularly describing girls as “grenades,” changing their hair products, or introducing the ‘fist pump’ to their wedding dance arsenal. They’re destined to drink their days away in honor of their tanned, ‘roided up heroes who are now busy making millions off of some of the worst corporate endorsement decisions ever made. The Situation is endorsing Reebok shoes? Really?
How I really feel: I’m actually totally serious here. This show is absolute garbage and I’m embarrassed for America. Oh also I’m from New Jersey and while I don’t even try to defend it, especially not the northern half of the state, this show still gives New Jersey an unfair black mark, courtesy of a bunch of New Yorkers. What is it about that state always dumping their trash to the south?
So what about shows that make you a better person? Look, I could start shuffling through the PBS catalog or picking out inherently good characters from individual shows, but the truth is TV is very much getting darker these days and I honestly don’t mind. When the Sopranos premiered, the Italian American community was a bit upset about the portrayal of Italians as such awful people. But in the age of Jersey Shore, which is worse? I’m going out on a limb to guess they’d rather be associated with gangster violence than Snooki.
